first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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