I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
