I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
