ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
