He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
