I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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