Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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