"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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