the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
