Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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