don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
