Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
