Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
