so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
