ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
