Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
