my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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