No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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