My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
