i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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