So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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