Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I look better un-naked...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
