i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
