The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
