I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
