:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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