he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
