Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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