I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wear drunk well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
