Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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