The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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