next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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