If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
