I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
