This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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