do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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