You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
