I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
