I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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