Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
