Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I could make wine with my vomit
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
