dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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