guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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