No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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