I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
