Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
