So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
