I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
