i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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