I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
